Lola...

There's so much I want to say to you. There is so much I want to do for you. There's not much I can  do...so all I do is pray. I feel like I haven't been there for you these past few years.  I know distance plays a big role in this, but ever since Lolo left us in 2003, I haven't been back to see you. And it breaks my heart to say that I haven't been back, despite how much I have been wanting to go back. 

If I could be anywhere right now, I would be right next to you. If nothing else in my life mattered, I would not hesitate to leave it all just to see you breathe.  But I know for a fact that you would never want that for me. You have always stressed the importance of finishing with school. But in times like this, all I care about is life over something so material.  A semester can wait...a life cannot. I'm stuck here finishing my last semester of undergrad. So I am stuck here...all I can do is pray.  I pray that you will get through this, but at the same time, I pray that you will not be in pain; I don't want to be selfish either for I only want what is best for you.

I would not be what I am today if not for you. The many things that have stuck with me are from what you taught me. No matter how tall I've grown since I last stood next to you, I will always look up to you. You have easily been one of the most influential people in my life and you will always be. I love you with all my heart, and I will do my best to stay strong for you. Since I cannot be there for you right now, I will stand tall. This one is for you.

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Sorry guys, I don't mean to put a damper on anybody with this post.  I just needed an outlet with what's been going on in my mind. My Lola isn't doing so well at the moment. My parents are already in the Philippines, but it looks like everyone else may be going there to see her one last time to say their goodbyes. Unfortunately, I will not be able to go. Instead, I will be staying here.  

So with all that said, all I have left for you is this: Hold onto what you have.  Don't ever take what or who you have for granted because you never know when they can slip away. Don't waste time criticizing what/who you have; what if they weren't even there for you to begin with? If you spend more time pointing out imperfections, you will begin to realize what is more important to you once it leaves you. Life is more beautiful and perfect than you could ever expect once you look past its imperfections.